ANNNNNND....we're still drinking...

Okay. It's officially a drink blog. Yay!

Sidebar - my little iPad keyboard is my new obsession. $99 at the Apple store. Dragging out a laptop the size of a dessert tray at Colonial Park Diner? Ain't nobody got time for that! Updating this happy little blog is so much easier with a little white keyboard. Logitech - THANK YOU for making me happy.

So, I had a rough day. I cleaned out my office. Nothing upsets me more than realizing that I'm not as organized as I thought I was. I found:
1.) A pile of magazines dating back to 2010. Way to stay current, fag.
2.) Six jars of handmade hard candy from Brooklyn. Okay, I went through a little Brooklyn phase. Get over it.
3.) A pair of last season mocks from Clarks. Isn't everything at Clarks last season? They nasty.

So, after this rough day I thought, "I'll go home and make a margarita." I tried my hand at something new - tell me what you think!

Chambord Margarita
3 oz. Cuervo Gold tequila (cheap = better in mixed drinks)
1 oz. Chambord (raspberry liqueur - don't skimp on this)
1 oz. triple sec
1 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
coarse salt for glass rim
lime wedge for garnish

Add all liquid ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a rocks glass with ice that has been prepared with a salt rim.

Salty. Sweet. Berry. Lime. Bitey. I hope you like it. Nah, I don't really care. I've already had two.

Maybe this is a drink blog...

So, I've been battling with what to post since Valentine's Day. I just couldn't commit. I didn't want to post a recipe because we all know I can't cook. I'm saving the other half of our trip to Raleigh for a rainy day when I can really dig into the juicy subject matter from that affair. So, I thought, after a weekend of celebrating one of my favorite sister-in-law's birthday (I have 4, so I have to be careful), I thought "Why not another drink recipe? I'm not (always) a lush. People won't judge, right?" Then I realized that I don't care if you judge because judging is fun and I want you to have fun. So, here it is - judge away. This one is a little strong, so please make sure you only have one. Or, since it's a day that ends in day, have a second one and think of me. It's just under 4 ounces, so two won't hurt. Four will.

The Vesper

2 oz. Bluecoat gin
1 1/4 oz. Belvedere Vodka
1/2 oz. Lillet Blanc
lemon twist for garnish

Rim a chilled cocktail glass with the lemon twist. Combine the other ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into the glass. Garnish with the twist.

For those of you who don't know what Lillet is - make sure you take a little sip before you make this drink. It's basically Welch's, but so much better. A great extra to have in your home bar. It's a $40 investment, but well worth the brightness it brings to any drink. Add a splash to your gin and tonic or just enjoy over ice with a little club soda.

This one is for Timmy. It is currently his favorite drink and I told him I would post it someday. Cheers to Timmy!

My Bloody Valentine

I was so proud of myself today. I wore pink! On Valentines Day! I would like to think this was a carefully planned attempt at being romantic and festive, however it was a pure fluke. Those of us diagnosed with ADD can't make that happen on the right day, I swear. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about my holiday themed self. So, I thought, why not take it one step further? How about a little red drink to wash down a bad day while waiting for my honey to get home? Don't mind if I do!

Blood Orange Margarita
1 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
1.5 oz. freshly squeezed blood orange juice
1 oz. triple sec
1.5 oz Cuervo Gold tequila

Mix all ingredients in a shaker with a handful of ice. Shake it, bitches! Pour into a rocks glass filled with ice. I don't like a salted rim, but if you're into it, do it up! It's Valentines Day!

Love to you all. Even you lonely bitches...

Not to Hell or Outer Space Pt. 1

Shut up.  Daddy missed you too.  Get over it.  I'm not getting paid to make you laugh.  Not yet, anyway.

I need to get this off my chest - I LOVE AMTRAK.  There, I said it.  For someone who has a fear of flying but loves to people watch, Amtrak is a second to none shit show.  In early January, Timothy and I boarded a train in Harrisburg bound for Raleigh.  Get ready...

So, we get to the Harrisburg station a little before 5am.  Anymore, there is only one stairway to two tracks active.  There is a sign clearly posted that says "all trains this stairway", yet people are still asking "is this the train to Boston/Albany/Miami/Phoenix?"  Not exactly.  This is the train to Philadelphia where you will board another train to your final destination - ya know - like it says on your ticket.  Panicky people slay me.  I just want to look at them and say "No! This is the train to Honolulu." and just wait.  During all of this, we sat on long benches facing large televisions that were broadcasting a loop about how safe and secure Amtrak is.  "If you see something, say something."  We'll get back to that later.

We pass through security (again, saving it for later) and board the train.  Now, because the train to Philadelphia goes into and out of the same side of 30th Street Station each train car has seats facing both directions.  So, my first priority is to prevent vomiting.  Facing backwards while lurching through Lancaster County at 100 miles per hour?  No, thanks.  That, my dear, should come with a bag. We get settled into our forward-facing seats and take a deep breath.  The "start" button of vacation has been pushed.

The train begins to move out of the station.  I get out my iPad to start some serious Pinterest time and Tim flips his eyelids shut.  So relaxed.  We pass down the historic Pennsylvania Mainline and enter 30th Street Station.  The first leg is done.  We get off the train and ascend the staircase into the beautiful terminal. 



Nuts, right?  Philadelphia is home to the most beautiful train station, ever.  So, while we are waiting for our transfer to the Raleigh bound Carolinian we begin to notice the excessive amount of security they have at this major Amtrak hub.  (It's time.)  I see a bulky (fat) man walking through the station dressed in security garb.  Billy club, gun, pepper spray, dog toy.  Dog toy?  He has a dog toy in his hand.  So strange.  Where's he going with that thing?  He continues to trodge through the station to a far corner.  Oh, shit.  There is a "security" dog.  Sleeping.  On a bed.  In the corner.  Sleeping. 

He jostles the dog to life with the toy.  The dog appears to be excited to play, but is having trouble getting up.  Oh, shit.  That dog is OLD.  Like, really old.  Who are they kidding with that dog?  If I were gonna blow something up, that dog would be the last deterrent.  The scary old lady selling roses out of her purse poses more of a threat.  She'd probably cut a bitch.

That was the security.  That's it.  Nobody checking bags, nobody sniffing anything.  No x-ray vision goggles.  Just a fat guy with a golden girl of a dog. 

Stay tuned for more from our next leg of the trip on the Carolinian! 

Shiny Tranny Parade

When I see this...

I get a little excited.  The Pinterest bug has bitten me, and bitten me hard.  What is not to love about wasting an entire Sunday afternoon on the sofa, selecting craft projects (you'll never do), pretty little cakes (you'll never bake), and that quote that you love (that you don't have the balls to say in real life).  I mean, really?!  For those of us afflicted with ADD, this is like a shiny object on the sidelines of tranny parade happening on a cruise ship drifting past a palace made of gum drops.

So, in an effort to spread the wealth of shiny objects, let this tranny take you on a parade of my favorite pins of December.  Here we go...

One of my favorite things about Pinterest is the fact that I can see what I should be wearing if I had money.  Camo loafers with red soles, the great jeans, the mismatched pocket square.  Perfection.

So, this little gem is called a "Dutch Tub."  So many, very important things to discuss.  Two glasses of wine, but only one adult.  Are they in a city park.  That little blondie looks a little pensive.  Slime pigmented water.  The fact that those people look way too big for that cereal bowl.  The death trap on the right.  Hasn't technology progressed past this?  Might I refer the Dutch to www.kohler.com?

All the time.

The St. Louis Arch will always amaze me as a feat of modern architecture.  And if you ever ride to the top of it in the little capsules with toilet looking seats, and watched the riveted steel pass by your little window, you'll shit your pants when you get to the top, look down and see nothing below you.  Utterly amazing experience.

Nail head?  In a kitchen?  Shut up!

Okay - it's not amazing.  But the use of color is perfection.  I could do with one less staged tchotchke.

"I'm not funny.  I'm just brave." - Lucille Ball
Can't agree more.  She is the queen of comedy and would do anything for a laugh. 
I can relate.  I have always had a special place in my heart for her and her lack of limits. 

A little gift for all of you who work or have worked retail.

So, visit me on Pinterest and maybe, just maybe, you'll see that gumdrop castle.



Daddy's 12 of 2012

2012 was pretty amazing for me, so I thought "Why not blog about how faboo the year has been with 12 amazing things that happened?"  But for those of you who know me, I feel a need to put a negative, sarcastic spin on almost everything.  Okay, everything.  So, I decided to mix it up and blog about 12 things from 2012 that either made my life amazing or that I'll be leaving behind as we enter 2013.  Fun, right?! 

So, let's start with the good stuff, shall we? 

iPad.  How did I live without you?

Yay for glass food storage! This has nothing to do with the bad press about BPA plastic. People need to stop that ridiculousness. This has everything to do with the sunglasses principal. I lose and break cheap sunglasses, however if they are expensive, I don't. So, now that we have nicer, expensive food storage, it seems to make it home from work everyday. 

Classic Margaritas.  I make the best, and they are nothing fussy or fancy.
3 oz. Cuervo Gold tequila
2 oz. triple sec
1 oz. fresh squeezed lime juice
margarita salt
sliced lime for garnish

Use your lime garnish to wet the rim of the glass.  Salt the rim.   Fill glass with ice.  Shake tequila, triple sec, and lime juice with ice.  Strain into glass and enjoy!  This made my summer so much better.  Salty, sweet, sour, and earthy.  My new drink of choice for a kiki at 2421!

Our April cruise on the Carnival Destiny.  It forced me to relax and unplug from work, something I'm terrible at.  I enjoyed every moment of time I shared with Timmy and surprisingly, enjoyed cruising.  The boat was rode hard and put away wet (I'm so funny) and cruising on Carnival is like floating around the ocean on a giant, buoyant K-Mart, but a pleasurable experience anyway.

Caldrea (www.caldrea.com) is life changing.  Green cleaning products and body care items.  My favorite is the laundry detergent and fabric softener.  I don't shut up about this stuff.  The Sea Salt Neroli (yellow bottle) is the best scent ever.  And a little plug for Inspirations Bath & Kitchen Studio - the only place you can get this stuff in Harrisburg (www.InspirationsHarrisburg.com).

I moved from my hometown 8 years ago, and I have finally established some great friendships in Harrisburg.  You know who you are.  Thank you for understanding and accepting my crazy.

I was finally able to shed a lot of my personal baggage and hang ups this year.  Crap from my ex, that weird stuff I hung onto from my parents and middle school, fear of failure, etc.  You all know what I'm talking about, so stop looking around the room like you don't!  We all have crap that we drag around until it becomes too heavy to handle.

And now for the things that 2012 can take with, as the world goes up in a fiery ball of flames.

Ah, hell.  I hate these things.  I know, these are ugly.  And no, yours aren't cute.  They make your legs look short, and all too often your baby toe ends up on the wrong side of a strap so it looks as if you're wearing them on the wrong feet.  Nasty.  Poor baby toe.  This could stem from the fact that I, in general, hate feet.  Oh, how I hate feet.

Nuf said.

Bottled water.  We no longer have it at home.  Most new refrigerators have a water filter built in anyway.  We abandoned this concept at home in 2012.  As much as I hate on it, bottled water does indeed have a place in our lives.  For instance, we have it in the studio for clients because it is sealed and easily held while working a project.  But for the most part, it has become the scarlet letter of laziness.

Can oil rubbed bronze plumbing just die already?  (This looks amazing on a cheap stainless steel sink, BTW.)  I am so tired of it, and it makes every faucet look awful.  I will continue to smile and sell it because I understand that it is popular, however that doesn't mean I have to like it.

And lastly, there is no picture for this one.  Abusive people.  Whether you beat your spouse, yell at your mother, shoot a bunch of innocent children, raise dogs for fighting, or simply abuse my time as a professional, please hop on the express train to the end of the world.  I am done with you.  The world will be a better place without you.

Deep breath.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Turmoil in Alcatraz

I am a total, unabashed foodie.  Me loves myself some delicious, unique food preceeded and followed by tasty drinks.  I especially like it when I don't have to make it.

Walking into a restaurant, I absorb the atmosphere.  The dim lighting to make everyone look younger.  The fresh music at the perfect volume.  The tailored design of the space.  Shiny glasses, twinkling candles, and the heavy aroma wafting from the kitchen.   

I love sitting down to peruse the signature cocktail menu.  A French 75?   Not tonight.   I'll have The Bees Knees with organic local honey and two limes.  Ooh...and look at that beet and parsnip salad with toasted hazelnuts and goat cheese.  I'll have that too.  How fun is this! 

Drinks just came.  Perfectly garnished and taste amazing!  The local honey makes all the difference.  I swear!  Excuse me, I need to powder my nose.

Holy...what just happened?!  Did I accidentally leave through a back door and end up in the bathroom at a quicky mart in Compton?  I could throw up.  However, it is too disgusting in here to do so.  I have to tinkle so bad, but I can hold it.  They call this a restroom?  The only thing resting is that festering disease on the toilet seat.  Uck.

WAIT A HOT MINUTE!  You're charging me $15 for a glass of watered down Gin and what you claim to be "local" honey but you provide me, your guest, with a restroom from Alcatraz? 

I bet this happens to all you, more frequently than you realize, and you never say a word.  I know I never do.  Why?!  We aren't paying for food only, as you do at a grocery store.  We are paying for food, service, and above anything else, an experience.  Otherwise, that glass of gin, honey, and lime juice would set us back about $2. 

I encourage all of you to take another look at that bathroom next time you're at your favorite watering hole.  (Pun TOTALLY INTENDED.)  Why are they so neglected and forgotten?  It might be an indicator of what the kitchen looks like!  And if you decide to approach the manager about your turmoil in Alcatraz, please give him my contact information.  I'd be glad to help.